Judges call it "in the child's best interest" but since they aren't the child, they couldn't possibly be the best judge of that. Now, keep in mind, these parents have been deemed unfit for two other children now. Do a bit of reading and you will understand how it was. It’s not even how much we love them but how much they love us, depend on us and trust us! It’s not co-parenting — it’s co-loving and co-commitment. And that father should have gotten custody, not the mother. Our article may answer some of your questions and offers information and advice. The age of your child when they state that they want to live with their birth parents will affect how you should react considerably. Losing custody doesn't have to be permanent. That’s a huge responsibility to put on a birth parent and the adoption industry has us all believing that adoption is a beautiful thing, when in reality adoption automatically pits a child against it’s birth parents, adoptive parents against birth parents, etc. I grew up not wanting anything to ever do with the woman who birthed me- if she was wishy/washy and changed her mind about the adoption, I’m glad it never materialized. Your post made me feel better. Also, I am sorry if this offended anyone. I can’t believe we’re not protected anymore than this! No judge with common sense would give a child back to its irresponsible birthparents who change their minds at whim. It doesn’t matter whether the birth mother decides she needs to parent her child because she hates the birth father and can’t stand the thought of him regaining custody. You are insane. He gets treated differently than the other two. So, why do parents abuse their children? I chose the adopted parents, have always gotten along with them, have always supported them. I think you just all need to be there for her when i was 16 i didn’t know what i wanted. My daughter and our family are devastated. You have explained exactly what this adoptive couple have done, coveted this baby so much that they will no longer allow my daughter in her life. (con’d) When Layla was 2 1/2, law enforcement showed up at our door, claiming we “kidnapped” Layla. I feel sorry for competent fathers who were not allowed the privilege of taking custody of their child. There are cases of open adoption where you can still be apart of your child’s life (except in terms of Chelsea, and I am really sorry about that, I don’t know the adoptive parents, but maybe you should try talking to them about this if you haven’t already?). Sometimes, that means ignoring the … Obviously the biological parents don’t care about the kid’s wellbeing. We are a family of believers in God. They have now closed the adoption after 10 months. And never trust anyone when it comes to your child especially in the great state of Alabama cause after you sign it’s over you can’t get them back unless they can see abuse. The transitioning process was hard, and awkward. They are the kind of family that is considered “ideal” for a child. When it appears that we’re finally being given the opportunity to adopt one, we’re prepared to move mountains to assure that happens. My story begins in 1962. Quite frankly I’m disgusted at most of these comments. The system needs revamped. << When that window closes, it closes pretty tightly. Could she adopt him back? Shockingly, parents abuse their own kids. The Colorado Supreme Court intervened and said that a District judge needed to decide what was in the “best interests” of the child in determining custody. But even setting aside the impact of separating children from their home, shouldn’t both sides be looked at to see who can provide the best environment for that child? If king solomon lived now, he would have denied the birth parents the previllage to own the child. We acknowledge that under stressful situations that decision may not be made freely or completely. While the woman whose son died is content to see the baby cut in two, the woman whose son is alive has compassion for her son and cries out, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! THE CHILD. The child above was indeed returned to his biological mother, even though she wanted the child to remain with the adoptive family where she placed him. Otherwise, most states treat underage birth parents the same as adult birth parents. Granted a mom who had issues of her own and my father who passed when I was 16. I do feel sorry for birth mother’s who were forced to give up their child. It’s not right for an industry, driven exclusively by money, to place a vulnerable birth parent in a position to place their child and deny what God himself has given to them…rather you like their lifestyle or not. The birth mother is in prison and has been coming to the hearings in orange and chains (yes, you read that correctly). Therefore, we need to voice our thoughts, out proposals, and our authentic ways of doing things to the government, to the agencies, to the state; so, things could be and shall be the way it is supposed to be and be greater than we ever imagined! When Adopted Children Want to Meet Their Birth Parents. I ask you, where is the justice in that? Adoption are final on both and they are our life.. No different than our birth children! It was an intentional decision on everyone’s part to commit to loving him. This advice sheet sets out the key features of a special guardianship order and explains how it may affect your position as a birth parent. - BabyCenter Canada A reader, Kim, brings back our adoption series with the story of her search for her birth family:. If the answer is yes, please really think before you decide to take the child away from the family that he or she has now. Sometimes, that means ignoring the obvious. There are a finite number of houses, lands, automobiles, wives, husbands and children in this world, so we are not permitted to desire what already belongs to someone else. A month before the adoption was supposed to be finalized, the boy’s biological father filed a motion demanding custody. As for those of you who are adopted from the 60s/70s etc – your bmoms had very little option but to relinquish their child. I LOVE them!! Btw you are all very judgmental towards bmothers. Last month, her father came by and adked if she could stay the weekend. My bedtime story, as a child… Previous post: A Child’s View of Adoption. What if I am terminal and cant care for him? A child is not a pet that you can fling here and there – the birthparents are therefore immature and do not realise the duty that comes with bringing a child to this world and raising it. Is your child healthy and happy where he or she is now? Elizabeth, I appreciate your comment, “In a truly open adoption, the birthparents and adoptive parents share a mutual commitment to the child that prevents either from wanting to cost the child access to the other AND which eliminates any risk that a child’s first family should EVER be “strangers.”. But returning back to my original statement, please birth parents, before you go seeking to have your child return to you, think about the child themselves. They may harbor fears that they will be "returned," or relinquished again. We tried a go at the relationship after a break , realized he was the same left him again and 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant. I can’t imagine turning them over to a stranger! Revocation of Consent. They plan their children's life from birth to marriage to career and beyond. She has found a beautiful family willing to have an open adoption. When adoptive parents find the child's first mother and the woman doesn't want contact. And then the awful dreaded day came when she asked to see her real family. We know the background on their mother and how she had several children by different fathers, and really with the job she had, and so many kids where would she start? “Our” daughter is threatening suicide, running away, not eating, not sleeping, etc.. you know the emotional teenage girl things. The pain of this is devastating. My sister had a drug problem but at the time of the adoption she was clean and sober but felt like she had to voluntarily give up her parental rights. Well, “I Purdy” if that is your user name, I totally agree with you. Don’t have children you can’t care for. Yes: In an adoption planned by the birth parents, but for a short window of time. The birth dad has been in jail for drugs and at this very moment has an attachent out for him in a neighboring parish. I happen to be personally acquainted with the contested adoption above. When biological parents challenge the adoption early on, we continue parenting “our” child in the desperate hope that the court system will miraculously change and grant us custody. In all states (except Massachusetts and Utah), a birth parent may revoke his or her consent to adoption in very limited circumstances. At that time, the judge informed the adoptive parents that the birth father would likely gain custody.”. They have a really good relationship and she has remained a big part of his life. The truth is that the timing and nature of adoption counselling is so coercive (yes even in this day and age) that a woman facing a crisis pregnancy can end up feeling that the only “moral” thing for her to do is to place her child for adoption – the counselling very cleverly makes her feel that parenting her child is the selfish thing. The birth mother supported the adoption until it appeared the court might grant the birth father’s request for custody. Now, this may sound blunt, but in truth that is what happened. A child doesn’t know anything about blood relations, DNA, etc. I totally disagree with not solomon but people of this era. I was adopted at 2 months through the social service system in my state and I’m now in my late 30’s. I am closer to one than the other but that’s only natural I suppose. I want what I want, even if it comes at the emotional expense of another. Thats why we have judges to decide on it but not some computers loaded with laws and take logical decisions. And the last factor I’m throwing out is the money. I’m more in favor of allowing them to have contact and relationship with the child, but the gave up rights. She wants the benefits of being a mom without the financial obligation, long sleepless nights, etc. And before the stones begin to fly: I’m adopted. Why would I want to be raised by someone who couldn’t figure out if they wanted me or not. From then on, contact was more frequent and Layla felt more of the missing piece. Multiple media outlets reported this week that … Birth mother told several men they were the father and the ones that came forward were ruled out! So if you feel this way, then don’t give it away. And as a society we allow a limited time for that decision to be changed. Although, something clicked this time. The second case mirrors the first one: a birth mother made an adoption plan and placed her son with a Colorado couple when he was 3 days old. The reality is that many of these birth moms could parent their children. To say that biological parents should never get their child back is incorrect. I will fight it until the bitter end. I didn’t sign over the rights to my son to his uncle because I was a bad parent. My 9 year old son has alot of crazy emotions from all of this as well. My brother and his wife have had Kylie since she was 8 months old. Just this weekend, my son (who’s now 19) and I met his birth mom for lunch. Thankfully, and very unexpectedly, one day in mid-August, 2010, we got a phone call. Court cost was the least of our expenses! Feeding clothing and medical bills go beyond but no money in the world can replace losing one that is mine! I had a lack of support from the father and any family members. It is unbelievable to me how easily a child’s rights are thrown out when an adoption is being contested in any way. Generally, birth parents have the right to choose what is in the best interest of their children and this includes the difficult decision whether to give them up for adoption. When the biological comes along they get the child back. You are all right, the adoption industry does need to be revamped, but not in the selfish ways I’ve seen others describe. While I certainly don’t advocate cutting a child in half in order to resolve a custody battle, that’s often what happens to a child, figuratively speaking. So here is my question as a birthmother of my daughter who was adopted in an open adoption. An innocent child, is exploited by the parent and it creates a form of emotional and psychological abuse. People make many mistakes, but it is them who have to suffer with the consequences. He has a good job, she has the privilege of being able to be a stay at home mom. Please keep us posted; I know you’ll all be in the prayers of many (mine included.) Parents who give up their adopted children have been making the news with increasing frequency of late. When it appears that we’re finally being given the opportunity to adopt one, we’re prepared to move mountains to assure that happens. My daughter never would have given her baby up for adoption knowing this would happen. I adopted my nephew who is now 11. We were on cloud nine. The two women give birth (in the same house) within three days of one another. There are no hard rules about ages for birth family meetings. If you decide you want the child back after it has been adopted, then you are putting other people through a terribly emotional situation for completely selfish reasons. The adoption system truly needed to be changed for the interest of humanity, the child, and both side of parents (the biological and adoption parents or guardian of the child.) A younger child could view a birth parent as a curiosity, while the birth parent views that child through a prism of loss and grief. Other times, biological parents are coming forward to seek custody after the child is placed back in foster care. As someone who has had first hand experience with this, these children NEVER recover from this. Any suggestions or support would be appreciated. Dear TornInTwo: my heart goes out to you, and to your daughter and her other parents. Criticizing people for falling in love with their foster child is the epitome of ignorance. I’m sorry, but if you give your child up, you don’t get to just change your mind- or at least you shouldn’t get to. A birth parent might possess a strong sense of protecting their child from the ugly truths surrounding their conception and adoption. She said since they can’t handle adoption, they should give him back. Parenting has nothing to do with origin but everything to do with relationship. Blood relation doesn’t necessarily equal best for the child especially when it means a child is to be torn from the only home they’ve ever known with loving stable parents. But now my heart is breaking, the adopted parents hearts are breaking, and my daughter is currently feeling shattered. She’s telling everyone her sob story and I’m going, “You wouldn’t be going through this if you used birth control!”. If this happens to you, know that there are steps you can take to have the decision reversed and win back custody of your children. We begged, pleaded, stalked, put petitions in, offered them $25,000 just for visitation. This is normal. The adoptive parents appealed the ruling but the court took no action, so today, the little boy went to live with his biological mother. Coveting is a condition of the heart–an inner condition which ultimately leads to an outer offense. The parents never returned for her, for weeks, & lived an astonishing mile down the road from us. She probably only took custody because she didn’t want him to have it. Sam, thank you for your response on here!! children living away from their parents can be found in Appendix 1. To all birth parents seeking out custody of their birth children, You are ignorant and selfish and do not understand the heartache we go through. Adoptive parents tend to live in denial. And an unknown number of those children are being put up for adoption against the wishes of their parents, who, once deported, are often helpless to fight when a U.S. judge decides that their children are better off here. The saddest part is I could have done a better job then them even with less money. But God Himself is infinite, and His supply for His people is infinite. If you are contesting the adoption, you need a lawyer that can stop it arguing the Federal Parental Kidnapping act. I remember when I was about 16 years old, a very young couple had stopped at my parents house to see if they would babysit their 2 month old daughter, Layla. At no time was the bond to his primary caregivers or best interest of the child ever considered, and the child suffered the trauma of losing his adoptive family, then losing the temporary biological family where he was abused, then shuttled off to yet a third family within the course of 9 months. She’s a lucky girl because she had both parents in her life but i bet it’s confusing for her too. Who cares who shares DNA with the child. ^����nG�%�$-�^S)��������+�o���t5˻^����Я�i��aZ�e�a���}7�w�F�6L�e� �7��q�M�7�f��;3w�y�w���rw�7!���م����z�W��k9.��hv�7�]���Z/P� �dv�E;>��`��;-� m��p�]7��85x�]��v���r����~�w����. Some parents want their children to be physically/emotionally flawless. They are kids of your own blood! The biological parents gave up their rights when they chose the first time and should just live with it? The true problem that overshadows adoption is “Coveting.” Coveting is an inordinate desire to have something that someone else has, whether it is a car, house, employee, wife, husband, or child. Though they are rare, and most adoptions go through seamlessly, revocations by birth parents happen. There are any number of reasons why the birth mother could succeed in getting her child back, no matter how long it's been. Judge S. Snowdy said that this is the best decision and it will not effect Kylie psychologically. When we talk about child abuse, it is not just about physical violence but also involves neglect and emotional abuse too. However, that pales in comparison to being compassionate about your child and your world revolving around them. Waiting parents. When it happens, the loss comes as a terrible blow for parents. Kids don't want to be seen as disloyal to their adoptive parents 2. The media, of course, makes a big splash about the event, and fears about adoption continue to be perpetuated. Birthparents pull away because they are “getting on with their lives.” They can see that you are doing a good job as parents and the child is safe and happy. I change my mind on an outfit, not my child. The mothers do have a right to change their mind then since the child was never living with the adoptive parents yet, plus the mother hadn’t experienced the feeling of holding their child for the first time. During this period, their child could be in your care. It has been two months, schopl has started, and they have refused to give her back the multiple times we have gone to get her. Ive been in a panic for days and searching the web which has shocked me! All rights reserved. I find the above comment very hypocritical. I have a little bit of a different situation. My 2 brothers were adopted, and at the same time. I was adopted at six months old. If your child is younger, they may be simply saying this because they know it will get attention. stream Do you understand how gut wrenching that is? I have heard of custody battles where the biological parent(s) get full custody again and that really is completely unfair to the child, especially after an extended period of time with adopted family, and very selfish of the biological parent(s) who in only one way have acted as a parent and that’s finding a more suitable situation for the child. His birth mom gives him unconditional love mixed with a healthy dose of momish advice. My daughter is 19 and cries herself to sleep every night because she didnt realize the pain of her choice. My brothers were curious at one time about their biological mother, not father really though, although we did meet him, and he was a decent guy who took care of their grandparents and great grandma. Amidst the muck of this as well the money, then don t... 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